Scribble marks on the page, smudge marks on my face

I officially feel like a writer. The evenings see me sitting at my desk with the light of my lamp shining on my documentary script and my frustrated face. There are pencil and pen marks all over my revised script and every now and then I notice smudge marks on my cheek where I have been holding up my head as the hours slowly turn closer to 3am than I think. At this point, all I can say is that the creation and revision of a paper edit has officially become the hardest part of my documentary making process. 

I write, scratch out and re-write narration for the documentary. I feel moments of inspiration when I see the interview material from the women I have interviewed and there is hope! Here is a sneak peak of the opening of my doccie:

(Bikitsha): "When I was young I wanted to be in the military. I wanted maybe when there 100 years,when they talked about the people who defended the country, I wanted to be one of them."

(Zuma): When you join the defence force, it’s like a different ball game in a way... Most people have said that it’s a, being here it’s not just about getting employed, they refer to it as a calling because at the end of the day, you leave everything that you’ve known or you’re used to, and you sacrifice just for the well-being of the country... and it pays off. 

Actuality such as this has allowed my narration to be guided and moulded to where the documentary will go next. I like to think that Bikitsha and Zuma's words have the power to guide my thinking therefore the process of creating a paper edit has become a mutual process between myself and the five women. They may not realise it, but they are still helping me in this process even as I sit alone in the early hours. I feel that the content is quite sound and that these women have played their roles, but my work has only just begun.

This week has seen many tears surrounding this project. It has been a taxing week regarding this stage of the process but it is getting there. I have reverted to using a pencil to write out my narration as opposed to typing it and talking out loud to myself. I think this helps my focus and ensures that my narration is in line with how I actually talk, as well as hearing if it fits into the piece as a whole. I also have to keep reminding myself to yes, be an observer in the documentary, but to not place myself in it as having experienced things like the Fittest Soldier Competition. At least I am aware of these issues in the documentary and that allows me reflect and review my narration constantly. A good practice to adopt.

The next step of the process is to cut all the clips, place them in order and record my narration. By the end of the weekend, I will have a documentary about women in the sixth South African battalion and I will sip on a Hunters Dry in celebration.

Nadia 

A Boom in my head

Boom! That's the sound I'm sure you would have heard if you were standing close enough to my exploding brain. This week and last week saw me hit multiple mental blocks and not know how to get around them. Should I climb over, around or under them? Should I just duck for cover? So, in a bid to try and find solutions, I have decided to use this blog post as a brainstorming session.

One of the biggest frustrations I had to get over in the process, was that I was unable to conduct as many interviews as I had hoped for with the Morodi, Zuma, Windvogel, Bikitsha and Karabo. I was also unable to contact the only female mechanic at 6 SAI (that I had desperately wanted!) and I had to make peace with that. I had to make peace with the material I have and to realise that what I have is actually good. I realised this when I began to sift through my transcripts and look for the common threads that would hold my documentary together. So that was a good start to the paper edit stage.

These past few days I have been working on putting together my paper edit. A paper edit is the written version of what the final documentary will sound like. It gives you a chance to rearrange audio, ambiance and narration before you actually edit any of the audio. It is basically the script of the documentary. The paper edit process can also be the hardest (as I am finding it to be) as this is the point where you realise that you may need more interview material and the ambiance or wildtrack that you have may not suit the interview material you currently have. It is a painful realisation, but as mentioned before, I am making peace with these aspects. I am also in the process of having a love-hate relationship with the paper-edit/script but I have not put in all this effort for nothing.

I am trying to bring all these interviews together within the paper edit, trying to find themes that run through the interviews such as what families of these women had to say regarding their choices to enlist in the military, or what these women have to say about being women. Sometimes I find that while placing the actuality of the interviews in the rows of the paper edit table, I am taken aback by what they have to say. I still feel disheartened when looking at and listening to Captain Windvogel saying that women will never be equal to men, it's just how it is. Looking back at the transcription, she had also told me to stop being so trusting as she had learnt not to. When I asked her why? She didn't want to comment further. That made me quite bleak- the fact that she was unable to talk about something that had clearly changed her outlook on life and people, and then that something like that could not be placed in my paper-edit/script. 

So as I move things around in the paper-edit and the pencil markings increase after consultations with my lecturer, little explosions (writer's block mainly) continue to go off in my head. This is good I guess as it means I am trying and working hard with this content to make it work. It feels like this is the hardest phase of the documentary making process, but it is making me and my documentary all the better for it.

Nadia

The Question Pot keeps boiling over

Today I received feedback from my Radio Production class regarding the oral exam/presentation we had to give at the beginning of this term. One of the general themes which seemed to emerge was that there was enough clarity on my choice of elective “Women in the Military” and that I do not allow myself the chance to incorporate my identity into my work. I took these comments in and sat for close to an hour mulling over these aspects and asking myself questions as to why I am doing what I am doing? Why women? Why the Military? What is my identity and how do I represent myself? So here goes...

I am a coloured woman. I was born in a time where I can study anywhere, use the same toilet as a white, Indian or black person and kiss any guy I like not because of his skin colour but because of his cute smile or his engulfing laugh. I have had to struggle, fight and work damn hard to get where I am today. I believe that I am a feminist as I have no issues with working one day while my husband buys groceries and cleans the house. I am a strong and independent woman. I was raised by a mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, stepmother, multiple aunties and a few uncles. I am a product of my community’s efforts and for that I am forever grateful. This afternoon saw me come up with these identifiers and I am satisfied with them. Have they influenced my choice of elective? Definitely.

When I decided to choose an elective, I remember saying to my lecturer, Jeanne, that I wanted to focus my sights on gender roles being “switched”. Possible story ideas such as ‘Single Fathers’, ‘Women in Military’ or ‘Women Who choose their career over a family’ interested me immensely and after touching base with Jeanne, she recommended I choose one and focus on it throughout. I chose ‘Women in Military’, and today, I found myself asking “why” multiple times? I came up with two simple answers: I am interested in pursuing stories which see women defying the set roles that society has created for them and watching them succeed in these new and changing roles. The second reason: I still believe that women are not truly equal in society and the Military proves to be an excellent case study considering that men still dominate the SANDF (South African National Defence Force) hands down. This is evident from the women in 6 SAI I have interviewed thus far. It has been reassuring to know though that the Defence Force is taking steps to change this- even if it is still a distant vision.  

I find myself interviewing these women and letting them know that they may fight for our country as a whole but they are also fighting for the rights of women. They are silent heros, deployed to countries like Berundi, DRC or Sudan on Peace keeping missions. I had never heard about their work until my time at 6 SAI. Then I wonder, is a month like “Women’s Month” even necessary if we don’t pay tribute to these women? Then again, perhaps we shouldn’t even have a Women’s Month at all as it shows that women are still not fully appreciated as equal and therefore need a month to fight for what is lacking. So a documentary highlighting these women’s roles in the service of our country is needed to ensure that the conversation surrounding women’s struggles continues until we can prove Captain Windvogel wrong when she says that “Women will never be equal to men..”. 

This blog post has taken a different stance from my usual reflective processes regarding the interviews I conduct. It is my chance to remind or rather keep questioning my decisions, a chance to make myself responsible for the stories that I record and the manner in which I choose to represent them. In representing them I have to also remain true to what it is I stand for and I think that is what I need to not lose sight of- the tension between the two and how I manage to make the two ends meet. 

Nadia

Paperwork VS Deployment

Week two. Week two at 6 SAI and I am starting to itch for stories that I feel these women are not telling me. Then again, I could possibly be trying to find stories that shock, scare, or bring tears to not only my eyes but the eyes of my listener. As I type this though, I find myself asking: “Is that all you care about? Shouldn’t the stories rather be true- a snapshot of these women’s lives?” I guess I arrived at the Grahamstown base with my expectations 100km away from where they should be. Listening back to these interviews though and creating follow up questions, I feel like I am slowly starting to lessen that gap.  

Week two saw me arrive at the base with my recorder at my side, pen and paper in my hand and a smile on my face- I was ready for interviews. But like today (Tuesday), I sat for a few hours waiting for one of the women Royden had organised to chat with me. At one point, I was ready for ANY woman to talk to as I was tired and started to feel disheartened. Then out of nowhere, I was told that Nombulelo Zuma who works in Human Resources (HR) and Sio Morodi who had worked in the Infantry section were willing to talk to me and I was ready for action. 

What I found most interesting about these two women is the difference in the experiences they have had thus far in the army. Zuma works in an office, she only joined the military as she needed a job and the Military welcomed her and her expertise. She hasn’t as yet been deployed. Then you get Morodi who said, 

“When I grew up, I used to tell my mum, you know what, one day I will serve the Country. I’d like uniform when I grow up…it was my dream to be in the army….”

Morodi has been deployed and working as infantry saw her on the ground, keeping peace in countries like Burundi and fighting with her team when conflict arose. I was intrigued by her dedication to South Africa, her interest in the countries she has been deployed to and her empathy towards the people who were suffering that she saw there. This clearly worried her as she spoke about it and then didn’t continue after I asked a few more questions. 

These experiences she talks about have an honesty that I appreciate. I also understand that there is only so much these women can tell me. Life of a soldier I guess. You leave certain privileges of being a civilian behind when you answer the call to be a soldier and that for me is still one aspect of these women’s lives that I find hard to understand. It’s like becoming a nun or a priest- you give away the life you knew for the calling.

Plans for this week? I’m going to watch a marching parade at an ungodly hour in the morning and I might even be able to watch some of these women in action with a gun! And I have follow up interviews with the four I have worked with thus far. There is one soldier who I am dying to interview- she is the only female mechanic at the base and she seems to be quite cautious of me. I am working on it though- I reckon she has some great stories to share. Until the next blog post! 

Nadia  

Attention! About turn! At ease!

The 30km Route March of which I only did 5km...

My ears are now becoming accustomed to commands while working at 6 SAI. Attention! About Turn! At ease! While I am gaining more knowledge about this structured workplace, I am also starting to find gems in all my audio collection. My last blog post spoke about my frustration at not being able to have easy access to the women with whom I want to speak. But after a full week at the Fittest Soldier Competition, at least I have some really great audio to compliment the interviews that I will be having with these women. I am feeling ‘at ease’ :). 

Interviewing female soldiers taking part in the competition

On Women’s Day- 9^th of August 2012, Mike (my fellow radio student), accompanied me to the competition with a camera to practice his photography. We were up at 6am, and at the 6 SAI base at 7:15am! We thought we were early enough to begin the ‘Route March’ with the competing soldiers, but we weren't- the soldiers started their march about 15mins earlier than we had expected. The 'Route March' saw the soldiers march over 30kms with a bag on their backs filled with sand and their water bottles. We were at the back, following them as they walked- we only managed 5kms and then turned back. I recorded my own experience of walking this terrain and I definitely want to include this in the documentary as it shows how fit these men and women are in comparison to us. It also shows their dedication, again as opposed to ours. The audio gives great insight into the competition and my experience of this new world. For me, it is a highly demanding world, and yet it is one which many these soldiers treat as their norm.

Women's Day and yet these soldiers are on a Route March. A 30km Route March!

Coming over the first hill- the soldiers march on...and on...and on...

I had another interview this week, this time with Ntomboza Kobekitcha. She’s a Privateer and works in the Logistics section of the military. I only just realised that I didn’t know what a ‘privateer’ is so that is another question I plan to find the answer to along with my many others. The interview with her was very impromptu, and I feel that I could have got more out of it, but it was a start. One of the things Ntomboza spoke about which I would like to ask the other women as well, was her family’s reaction to her working in the military. She told me about how her family were not happy about her decision to become a soldier. In her words: 

“my mother was against it, she even called the family and everything... she said it was dangerous and what what. Being a soldier is a calling, so I went....” 

A calling? I keep asking myself how strong that calling must be if it means joining a workforce in which there is the likelihood of being shot, being hurt and yes, dying. But for her it was about the calling, about proving to her family that “as a woman, I can make it. There’s no difference between a woman and a man... if a man can do it, I can also do it...”. 

I’m at the point of my research where I am starting to uncover similar themes between the stories these women tell. Captain Windvogel and Ntomboza talk about being women in a man's world and being able to work as well as any man. They sometimes mention a struggle to get where they are currently. 

Next step? I want to know what it means for them to be women in the work they do. Does this make any difference? I guess in this whole process I am finding out what it means for me to be a woman too and how I, like them, place myself in male dominated spaces. I feel like I’m finally getting somewhere.

Nadia

One Casspir at a time!

 

I’m frustrated. I am also grateful.

I am frustrated at the pace that this week is taking. It is already Tuesday and I am not as far as I could be regarding my interviews with the women at the military base. I thought I would be talking to these women about their lives in the military, about what their experiences are, why they chose the military and where they see such a career/job going? But instead, I feel like I’m just recording the Fittest Soldier Competition. Don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed being given the opportunity to be a part of the competition - the audio I have been collecting is fantastic! I have recorded some action audio with the soldiers marching,  jumping over *Casspirs, carrying logs and running with breast plates. They all have to prove themselves in a competition where fitness and good health matters. I am grateful to be here and feel quite free as I walk around between soldiers to get the best audio I can. 

But nevertheless, this week has  begun with a sense of tension. Tension which I have to start resolving.

In all of this action, I have to keep reminding myself of what I came for – which is to explore what it is like, for women, to serve in the military.  What does it mean to work and live in such a highly structured environment? I feel foreign watching these soldiers listen and follow through with orders in such a quick and controlled manner. No doubt, no questions. I am learning though- one command at a time.

Thus far I have only had one interview with Captain Windvogel and as I mentioned, she was great! She leads a team in the health care of soldiers at 6 SAI (6th South African Infantry). She is a strong and focused woman. She wears her uniform with pride. As we spoke, she began to open up to me, letting me  know that she believes in her work. But the time spent with her was so very short. I know that there is so much more that she can tell me! I have asked Royden if I can go back to  her for a follow-up interview.  I am in the process of transcribing my interview with her  and this has allowed me to pick on questions which I still want to ask her, or things I left out. For example, I didn’t get a chance to ask her more about her family life, and how she balances this with her  work. She is quite busy, so I have asked to talk to her next week some time. I would also like to go around with her when she works with her patients.

 

For now, I will continue my work with the Fittest Soldier Competition and see where it takes me. In terms of talking to women who compete in this competition, they are quite shy, and I barely get out their names. But I guess I have to take a cue from these fit soldiers and grow some muscle and carry on!

 

The 'Casspirs'  which the competing soldiers had to scale

One question which has been fluttering through my head in this whole process is: should I use my own experience of  the nilitary as content for the documentary? I initially wanted to come to the military base having these women speak for themselves, but could this documentary possibly become a platform for these women as well as myself to say something important?  Something about what it means to be a woman in South African society?  Maybe I could say that the struggles that women generally face are mirrored by these women who  work in the military and who serve our country? An idea which I am still thinking about…

Nadia

P. S. One more thing! I’ll also be recording my adventures in this new wonderland and will upload them in-between my blog posts. You can then hear my thoughts and how I react to these situations on the spot! :)

* The Casspir is a mine protected vehicle used in the South African National Defence Force. Follow this link to read more about this vehicle: http://www.army-guide.com/eng/product1130.html

When the road gets rough… follow through!

 

I drove through the boom gate at the Grahamstown military base at about 2km/h and waved nervously at the soldier lifting the boom.  Although he waved back and didn’t stop me, he also  didn’t return my toothy smile. “Right… where to now?” I asked myself as I steered the car left and parked outside what looked like an office for guests.  I asked the soldier that I found inside this office where I could find Mr. Flotman – the communications officer whom I had been in touch with regarding the research for my audio documentary on women in the military.  He hopped in the car with me to direct me, and I drove slowly to Royden’s office. I was relieved to find Mr Flotman smiling and very welcoming, happy and  willing to help me. Why had I been so nervous in the first place?

The first week with Mr. Flotman made me aware of a few things. One: For a journalist who wants to do stories that involve the military, there is clearly always masses of bureaucracy involved.  Royden, as I now called him, had to complete a large stack of paperwork ensuring that everybody knew I was there and what I was there for. Two:  Having someone at your side who can help you to jump through the necessary bureaucratic hoops is valuable, yet could also hinder it in some ways.  I discovered this soon enough when I started interviewing. Royden was present throughout, which had real advantages, but also posed some problems. It made me feel uncomfortable having someone watch the process, as there is the possibility that the women won’t open up to me the way I hope they might. Yet I was also grateful that he was there because everyone knows him and I get in places quicker and easier- especially as he has planned well for my arrival.  

Take, for example, my interview with Captain Windvogel, the head nurse at the base. I conducted only one interview with her. The first question that she asked Royden was: “Is she allowed to be here?” and I wiped my brow knowing that I didn’t have to deal with that. At the same time, I became conscious that I need to establish a careful balance in my relationship with Royden. On one hand, I need him to help me understand the proper protocol  regarding my interaction with these women I interview, so that I do not step out of the boundaries of my agreement that has allowed me to gain access to them.  On the other hand, I want the women to have a space in which they can open up to me, without feeling constrained by presence of another officer. 

I guess I need to build a network of trust with the people I work with for this project – and that includes both the women whom I need to interview, and Royden.  So I will dedicate my time to also building that network. I have never worked with such a large institution before and I can see that I will face challenges.  My ability to overcome them it depends on my relationship with Royden, and also with the women with the women who will be at the centre of my story.  

For now, Royden and I get on well.  He has even placed me on the “The SA army Infantry Formation Fittest Soldier” Competition guest list. The 6th- 10th of August will see me following this competition, which has women in its teams and tests/promotes healthy and fit soldiers. I am keen to talk to women taking part in the competition and finding out more about their stories in the military as a whole. Until next week…

Nadia