A Boom in my head

Boom! That's the sound I'm sure you would have heard if you were standing close enough to my exploding brain. This week and last week saw me hit multiple mental blocks and not know how to get around them. Should I climb over, around or under them? Should I just duck for cover? So, in a bid to try and find solutions, I have decided to use this blog post as a brainstorming session.

One of the biggest frustrations I had to get over in the process, was that I was unable to conduct as many interviews as I had hoped for with the Morodi, Zuma, Windvogel, Bikitsha and Karabo. I was also unable to contact the only female mechanic at 6 SAI (that I had desperately wanted!) and I had to make peace with that. I had to make peace with the material I have and to realise that what I have is actually good. I realised this when I began to sift through my transcripts and look for the common threads that would hold my documentary together. So that was a good start to the paper edit stage.

These past few days I have been working on putting together my paper edit. A paper edit is the written version of what the final documentary will sound like. It gives you a chance to rearrange audio, ambiance and narration before you actually edit any of the audio. It is basically the script of the documentary. The paper edit process can also be the hardest (as I am finding it to be) as this is the point where you realise that you may need more interview material and the ambiance or wildtrack that you have may not suit the interview material you currently have. It is a painful realisation, but as mentioned before, I am making peace with these aspects. I am also in the process of having a love-hate relationship with the paper-edit/script but I have not put in all this effort for nothing.

I am trying to bring all these interviews together within the paper edit, trying to find themes that run through the interviews such as what families of these women had to say regarding their choices to enlist in the military, or what these women have to say about being women. Sometimes I find that while placing the actuality of the interviews in the rows of the paper edit table, I am taken aback by what they have to say. I still feel disheartened when looking at and listening to Captain Windvogel saying that women will never be equal to men, it's just how it is. Looking back at the transcription, she had also told me to stop being so trusting as she had learnt not to. When I asked her why? She didn't want to comment further. That made me quite bleak- the fact that she was unable to talk about something that had clearly changed her outlook on life and people, and then that something like that could not be placed in my paper-edit/script. 

So as I move things around in the paper-edit and the pencil markings increase after consultations with my lecturer, little explosions (writer's block mainly) continue to go off in my head. This is good I guess as it means I am trying and working hard with this content to make it work. It feels like this is the hardest phase of the documentary making process, but it is making me and my documentary all the better for it.

Nadia

Paperwork VS Deployment

Week two. Week two at 6 SAI and I am starting to itch for stories that I feel these women are not telling me. Then again, I could possibly be trying to find stories that shock, scare, or bring tears to not only my eyes but the eyes of my listener. As I type this though, I find myself asking: “Is that all you care about? Shouldn’t the stories rather be true- a snapshot of these women’s lives?” I guess I arrived at the Grahamstown base with my expectations 100km away from where they should be. Listening back to these interviews though and creating follow up questions, I feel like I am slowly starting to lessen that gap.  

Week two saw me arrive at the base with my recorder at my side, pen and paper in my hand and a smile on my face- I was ready for interviews. But like today (Tuesday), I sat for a few hours waiting for one of the women Royden had organised to chat with me. At one point, I was ready for ANY woman to talk to as I was tired and started to feel disheartened. Then out of nowhere, I was told that Nombulelo Zuma who works in Human Resources (HR) and Sio Morodi who had worked in the Infantry section were willing to talk to me and I was ready for action. 

What I found most interesting about these two women is the difference in the experiences they have had thus far in the army. Zuma works in an office, she only joined the military as she needed a job and the Military welcomed her and her expertise. She hasn’t as yet been deployed. Then you get Morodi who said, 

“When I grew up, I used to tell my mum, you know what, one day I will serve the Country. I’d like uniform when I grow up…it was my dream to be in the army….”

Morodi has been deployed and working as infantry saw her on the ground, keeping peace in countries like Burundi and fighting with her team when conflict arose. I was intrigued by her dedication to South Africa, her interest in the countries she has been deployed to and her empathy towards the people who were suffering that she saw there. This clearly worried her as she spoke about it and then didn’t continue after I asked a few more questions. 

These experiences she talks about have an honesty that I appreciate. I also understand that there is only so much these women can tell me. Life of a soldier I guess. You leave certain privileges of being a civilian behind when you answer the call to be a soldier and that for me is still one aspect of these women’s lives that I find hard to understand. It’s like becoming a nun or a priest- you give away the life you knew for the calling.

Plans for this week? I’m going to watch a marching parade at an ungodly hour in the morning and I might even be able to watch some of these women in action with a gun! And I have follow up interviews with the four I have worked with thus far. There is one soldier who I am dying to interview- she is the only female mechanic at the base and she seems to be quite cautious of me. I am working on it though- I reckon she has some great stories to share. Until the next blog post! 

Nadia  

When the road gets rough… follow through!

 

I drove through the boom gate at the Grahamstown military base at about 2km/h and waved nervously at the soldier lifting the boom.  Although he waved back and didn’t stop me, he also  didn’t return my toothy smile. “Right… where to now?” I asked myself as I steered the car left and parked outside what looked like an office for guests.  I asked the soldier that I found inside this office where I could find Mr. Flotman – the communications officer whom I had been in touch with regarding the research for my audio documentary on women in the military.  He hopped in the car with me to direct me, and I drove slowly to Royden’s office. I was relieved to find Mr Flotman smiling and very welcoming, happy and  willing to help me. Why had I been so nervous in the first place?

The first week with Mr. Flotman made me aware of a few things. One: For a journalist who wants to do stories that involve the military, there is clearly always masses of bureaucracy involved.  Royden, as I now called him, had to complete a large stack of paperwork ensuring that everybody knew I was there and what I was there for. Two:  Having someone at your side who can help you to jump through the necessary bureaucratic hoops is valuable, yet could also hinder it in some ways.  I discovered this soon enough when I started interviewing. Royden was present throughout, which had real advantages, but also posed some problems. It made me feel uncomfortable having someone watch the process, as there is the possibility that the women won’t open up to me the way I hope they might. Yet I was also grateful that he was there because everyone knows him and I get in places quicker and easier- especially as he has planned well for my arrival.  

Take, for example, my interview with Captain Windvogel, the head nurse at the base. I conducted only one interview with her. The first question that she asked Royden was: “Is she allowed to be here?” and I wiped my brow knowing that I didn’t have to deal with that. At the same time, I became conscious that I need to establish a careful balance in my relationship with Royden. On one hand, I need him to help me understand the proper protocol  regarding my interaction with these women I interview, so that I do not step out of the boundaries of my agreement that has allowed me to gain access to them.  On the other hand, I want the women to have a space in which they can open up to me, without feeling constrained by presence of another officer. 

I guess I need to build a network of trust with the people I work with for this project – and that includes both the women whom I need to interview, and Royden.  So I will dedicate my time to also building that network. I have never worked with such a large institution before and I can see that I will face challenges.  My ability to overcome them it depends on my relationship with Royden, and also with the women with the women who will be at the centre of my story.  

For now, Royden and I get on well.  He has even placed me on the “The SA army Infantry Formation Fittest Soldier” Competition guest list. The 6th- 10th of August will see me following this competition, which has women in its teams and tests/promotes healthy and fit soldiers. I am keen to talk to women taking part in the competition and finding out more about their stories in the military as a whole. Until next week…

Nadia